A snippet.

What bliss I am in. The fact that I am horribly alone right now, is slowly fading to the back of my mind. I’ve got music to keep me company. Sure even more friends would be welcome, and I may even be able to handle a relationship soon. But right now I’m mainly focused on no giving a fuck. Take care.

What a slap in the face. Oh well, I’ve had fun.

So It’s officially completely through between Heather and I.

Despite all the signs thrown in my face over the last year and a half, I hadn’t had the sense to walk away until Thursday night.

We were supposed to hang out, and I got stood up again for the hundredth time by her. I waited for a fucking hour out in the cold, waiting for her dumb ass to show up, and she didn’t even call me.

Then tries to rationalize it to me later.

“I couldn’t go. I got a ride to somewhere. I didn’t have a phone. I’m not making excuses. I’m sorry.”

From an email from her. I replied that if she didn’t leave me alone I would tell her Dad she got her dumbass kicked out of Job Corps for being a lazy shit.

I even emailed her Ex to confess I we had been fooling around behind his back. Thankfully he was pretty chill with me. Guess I’m not the only one fed up with her bullshit.

She came back from jobcorps, and strung me along for a few days, then confessed she wanted to be a lesbian. I caught her in another lie, when on her myspace she had a guy she was talking about a lot, in her #1 spot, and a bunch of him oriented shit on her page.

Now, I’m not jealous of the guy, actually now I really feel for the guy, and what he’s getting himself into. I could care less if she get’s a new boyfriend. But the fact that she lied to be about it to “try to spare my feelings” or however she’ll put it later, pisses me off. I’m tired of people doing that to me.

And I’m tired of her. I would like this all to go away. I’ve given up too many good chances for this girl, and blown off a lot of really cool people waiting for her to come back around, when the whole time I should have took her for what she was, instead of what I wanted her to be.

From the first time she stood me up, when she was supposed to meet my fucking mom, to the countless times she ditched school, and still wasn’t ready by the time I got off of work. From the countless standing me ups for other people, to calling me all the way out from beaverton, just to tell me to take a hike so she could go out with other people. I’m so fucking fed up with this asshole.

God, I’ve gotten myself in such a state I picked up Carbon Leaf again. Oh well, check out this song, oh one person who follows this blog so far. hahah.

Sorry for the video content, it’s the first one I could find that wasn’t live, that had the full song. Hah.

Take it easy world, I know it’s time for me to too.

Mobile test, and Audioslave.

Testing an update from my phone. If i find myself without the internets i can hopefully still update this bad boy. No adding pics though.
Also audioslave is awesome. Tom Morello is our lord and savior. Don’t agree? Fuck off. Hah. Later!

Memories

Memories.
My memories…

I seem to have a better memory than most people I know, so let’s get some out there shall we?

I remember being two.
I remember the first house I lived in in fairbanks.
I remember being on a bed, playing with Tiny Toons toys from McDonalds.
I remember having the Montana Max toy, a little car with money on it. hahah.
I remember the outside of the house too.

Thats as far back as it goes.

I remember the apartment on Turner St.
I remember making a “tent” with a blanket and some wood, between my sisters bed and mine.
I was three hahah.
I remember telling people at First Nazereth that I was “free” years old. Hahah.
I remember Jennifer, and my sister meeting her.
She said she was blind, she was sort of a pathological liar.
I remember when you pulled me up to dance with you to the parade scene from We’re Back!, god that movie sucked. hah.
I remember her sister Amanda, and her mother Bobby.
I remember their step brother and sister, Kyle and Megan.
I remember when we ran into Jennifer and Amanda again when we moved to the lake.
I remember my first kiss with Amanda. It was short, and I didn’t like it. hahah.

I remember saying “shoot” to mean “shit”, and thinking my step dad would yell at me. hahah
I remember my Step Dad taking one of my small army men, putting it behind his back, and pulling out a larger one. I was blown away.
I remember my 4th birthday party. I got legos.
I remember going to a birthday part for a boy named Joshua Showers. We had Mcdonalds for lunch. I got an ambulance in my happy meal.
I remember vague memories of Me, Joshua Showers, and Kyle Klemischefsky (spelling is probably way off) playing in a church play, we were the three wisemen. We fought eachother with our sticks.
I remember the three of us playing in Sunday School as batman and robin. We were all Batman.

I remember when we were moving from Turner to Hess St, I hid among boxes in my room.
I remember my 6th Birthday party.
I don’t remember my first day of kindergarden, but I do remember a lot of that year.
We walked a mile around the school.
We had 4 field trips. I know one was the Library
The playground had odd Dinosaur Eggs in the sandbox. hahah.
I had a “big brother” named Jason.
My best friend was Douglas Wiest. He was a dick.

I remember my first day of 1st grade, my teacher was Ms. Alanzo.

It’s getting easier now, the closer I get. But even more recent memories should be concrete, but they aren’t, ya know?

Like, I remember what I did for every birthday from 5th, all the way up untill 16th. But I can not remember what I did for my 17th. I just can not remember. My mind wants to tell me it was when we made the Metagross cake, but it just doesn’t add up. I remember that as 16th.

18th I don’t really remember much either. 19th was horrible, and 20th was pretty fun

But now it’s almost cheating to recount memories from only two or three years away.

I remember A lot about my dad. When he lived in that basement.
I remember a ride on a snow mobile.
I remember us shopping at a store that looked like a castle.
I remember him putting his Game Boy on a really high shelf, and I took it down and played Tetris. hahah!
I remember he had a can of Lip Balm, I remember how it smelled.

I remember one time he was tickling my sister, and I thought she was being hurt, so I jumped on his stomache. He got really mad. Sorry for that one dad!

I remember when he moved to Chena Hot Springs. I played a Sega Saturn, Clockwork Knight. Hahah. He introduced me to Zelda, and Final Fantasy.

I was apparently on the verge of death, when I traveled with him in california when I was a baby. I don’t remember, but I must have been a pretty awesome baby to survive. hah.

I remember alot more than most. It’s a blessing and a curse. I fucking hate it sometimes, but I also love being able to lose hours, just replaying these good times in my mind.

RAIN!

It’s finally fucking raining. Time to go for a ride.

Sleep schedule is fucked up. Blarghhh.

Lately I have been sleeping less and less each night, and later into the days. Fuckin, sunday I woke up at 5:30 PM. Of course I had an amazingly hilarious night on SSRG and Skype with my friends Anthony, Peter and Harrison.

This morning I added a ton of new files to my PSPs memory card, and battled with my computers memory card reader to get it to read the fuckin thing, only to find out that the PSP can’t sift through folders inside of folders for pictures and music. The solution is very tedious and sloppy, but I guess it gets it done.

Hm… pictures?

Here is a picture of all my art supplies, my PSP, my Sansa Fuze, and other crap on my desk.

Art supplies include a various array of pens and markers. I use G2 gel pens, sharpie pens, sharpies, Prisma Color fine tip markers, and other crap I’m forgetting. I’m trying to hone skills, nothing super good yet off my end. Bleh. I’m depressing myself. Later!

Oh fuck today was awesome.

So I had some winrar on teh interbutts, details someday maybe, then rode down to the beaverton transit center on the beast. Took the 20 downtown, and rode a lot. Some tension flared between friends, but I think when endurance and patience return things will be awesome.

David and I rode from downtown, across the bridge, around the Lloyd Center parking lot for a while, down to Franz, through the hell intersection, down a steep awesome fuckin hill, run on sentance. Back down the Espinade, where he met the man who designed his hip-bag. Dave Stoops. Of course he was ultra psyched about that. Back to wait for the 20 in front of the elephant statue. Some fancy-boys walked by, and the sprinkler system kicked right in, we heard the most feminine screams out of them. Fucking hilarity.

I finished the night off, riding home from Winco, like I usually do. Takes less and less time every time I do it. Got my shoelace wrapped around my pedal which scared the fuck out of me, but I learned to back the bike up and it unwound it. Thought my shoes were straight fucked yo. Tried getting home a slightly different way but any way I look at it, there is a huge hill on the way home. Blah I can make it.

Pedal through the PAIN baby!

Desert Guru out!

New handlebars.

Also,  sorry for not updating Tuesday night, I was not at mah home.

These new handlebars are the greatest thing to ever come into my life. I can just charge up hills so much quicker now. They let me be in positions on my bike that I couldn’t be on, or were too akward before. AAAAHHHH hahah.

Better updates some other time. It’s late.

Persepolis.

So tonight I finally watched Persepolis, it had been sitting on my hard drive for a while.

It actually made me put down my PSP and Star Ocean 2 for a little while so I could pay attention. Was very good.

Short post, cuz my attention is divided, but I want to post.

Smoke a rock? No thanks.

Hey all, just thought I’d get this up here. Mainly wanted to snag the URL before it got taken. Hah, like that would happen. Anyway, I aim to update Sunday nights, Tuesday nights, and Friday nights.  So check those days at around 10PM Pacific (-8:00 GMT).

And no, this does not count as Sundays update.